Unplugging from Work

Second weekend in a row.  I have not worked.  Admittedly, work has been on my mind.  I've been thinking about what is happening while I'm not online.  I'm wondering if things are getting done while I'm not watching.  I'm planning my early Monday morning prep.

But I'm not working.

Yesterday I curled up with Bean and Inchie and watched half of Frozen.  We ate eggs for breakfast.  Apartment shopping.  Lunch out.  We got home and took a nap - all three of us.  The day was capped with a birthday party for a co-worker's little girl.

Today the sun was out bright and warm.  We visited the Japanese Garden.  There were 3 foot long fish in the pond.  They actually swim with their mouths partially out of the water.

Who knew?

Then the height of the afternoon - I took another nap!  Following our naps we headed back out to get a little more of the rare Seattle sun along the Puget Sound.  Dinner with the family.  A bit of a movie before bed.

I don't know what happened in my brain that has caused work to take such a role in the front.  It is very very unlike me.  At least it is unlike the me I was used to at my old job.  I never had a problem leaving work behind.

These days I wake up in the middle of the night solving problems.  Sometimes the solutions are so present in my mind I give myself permission to open up my laptop and work.  I put a a couple hours, 2am - 4am or so, then back to bed.  Up at 5am.  Into work.

When did my brain stop shutting off?  When did it get stuck in this constant on state?

No matter.  I'm working on unplugging and figuring out a way to relax again.  Last weekend I was less anxious about not being online, but I didn't sleep as well.  This weekend, I thought more about work, but I also managed to sleep through the night.  I think this level of sleep deprivation might actually be worse than the first weeks of parenthood.  Maybe simply because I only had one reason to be exhausted back then.

But this was weekend #2.  And I have 3 days off next week.  Let's see how I handle that!

Far from Home and Lonely

I'm not yet sure I've fully reached the conclusion of this pity party, but I'm finally starting to see the edges of it.  I've not handled the past couple weeks so well.

This new job is big.  I knew it was a stretch for me when I took it.  But this is so much bigger than I could have imagined.  Somedays I manage it.  I'm actually quite good at parts of the job.  But I am tired in my bones.  I'm tired in ways I wasn't sure I could be tired.  And then there are the days that I fall short...

I'm a mom of two kids.  How on earth could a job tire me more than life as a mom?  I mean there are demanding jobs and then there is motherhood.  I look at how tired I've been and I really wonder where I got off track.  Why am I so down?  I've come through so much in the past few years.  How could a job be getting to me like this?

Today I caught myself thinking about people at work.  I have tentatively begun making work friends, but it is Saturday and these are not people I see on the weekend.  I began to obsess about getting back online.  To see who was there and if I needed to take care of anything.  To have a conversation with someone.

As the day went on I felt worse and worse.  I couldn't shake this awful loneliness that seemed to have settled into my bones.  Bean even turned to me at one point and started talking about how much she misses her neighbors and cousins.  My chest constricted and for the first time in a very long time I had to remind myself that I needed to be strong for my kids.  I need them to know that it is okay to miss your friends and family, but this is our home now and everything is okay.

When I am completely and totally wreaked inside?  Should I show them how rocked I am by all this? Should I let them see?

And then it hit me.  I still haven't made friends here yet.  Not the kind of friends that I'm used to having.  I have worked a lot.  I have been the strong provider and the professional butterfly.  I'm learning to network and meet people with purpose.

But I no longer run into people at the grocery store and talk for 5 minutes catching up on their past week.  I don't have a church community to keep track of.  I don't go to school events where I get to meet my kid's friend's parents.  I don't recognize people has I walk down the street.

I'm an isolated person in an isolated corner of the country.  And I'm not making it any better by working so much.  When was the last time that I went out and met someone new?  For reasons other than professional networking?  My best guess - 4 months.  Definitely before I let work take over my nights in addition to my days.

Time has arrived to start reworking my of hours.  I need to get a life.

I departed the text.

One night I was reading Berkeley Breathed's Goodnight Opus.  Actually it might have been my husband reading.  I don't actually remember who it was.  But I know it was bedtime and we were putting our baby to bed.  She was old enough to sit up and listen to us read to her, but there wasn't a stream of questions pouring out yet.

As we sat there, the story filled the air.  It began to niggle at a part of me I'd been working to ignore.  After a year in the suburbs, life had settled into a young family routine.

Get up.  Get Dressed.  Get out of the house before the baby is up.  Drive to work in traffic.  Work.  Schedule a few kid appointments.  Work.  Eat lunch.  Putz around on the Internet.  Work.  Drive home in traffic.  Pick up the baby from day care.  Set her up with toys in the living room.  Make dinner.  Greet husband.  Eat dinner.  Bath.  Read a bedtime story.  Put the baby to bed.  Swap loads of laundry.  Fold clothes.  Plan dinner for the next night.  Pack lunches.  Go to bed.

Repeat.

"... the same one you've read me two hundred nine times."

Repeat.

"Grandma read, the two hundred tenth time."

Repeat.

"When your sight surpasses what's plainly in view, pull your head from the clouds, keep the ground to your shoes. [...] It's improper that folks get so carried away."

These were full days.  There was joy, but there was a monotonous repetition.  I could feel the edges getting tattered.  I was tired.  In my bones and my soul.  I could feel the strain of having a full and beautiful life.  My world had lined up.  I had no complaints.  But I was so tired.

And Opus was on a beautiful adventure.  A Tooth Fairy selling an Elvis Molar.  Fishing for the moon in Blue Mist Lagoon.  Cows in the Milky Way.  

Upon returning home Opus says "I sure like to think that one day or the next she'll get carried away and depart from the text."

My heart broke just a little.  With each day, the rut I was digging was getting deeper.  If I was tired now, it was not going to get better.  Soon our daughter would have potty training and school and field trips.  My job responsibilities would grow.  Traffic just doesn't get any better.

Time passed.  Tattered edges turned to fringe.  We had a second baby.  The fringe was gone.  In its place I found holes.  The kind where the material is so threadbare that attempt to mend it just make the hole bigger.

I started writing this blog.  Maybe my writing would be so awesome I would become a rich blogger and talk to suburbanites around the world about how they too could break the mold.  How the text they followed was under their control.

Hehee.

More likely, I would write and have something to look back on.  I would be able to look back and see that the struggles were real and different and I was growing and changing over the years.  It wasn't as monotonous as it seemed.  And in telling my story I would find the joy in each day.  I would seek out the joy.

But something completely different happened.  I didn't write about it.  I didn't capture it.  I simply lived it.  One day at a time.

In January, an email from a recruiter showed up in my Inbox.  It was obviously a form letter, but I answered.  When a bright red door appears in front of you, one you hadn't installed yourself, it is a good idea to check it out a little further.

In February, I interviewed with a big company for a job that came with a catch.  The job was 2800 miles from where I'd lived every day of my life since I was born.  I interviewed for an interesting job.   They saw more than I realized I was offering.

In March, they offered me the job.  But it wasn't just a job.  As I read and re-read the details, I was being offered a new beginning.  We could try something completely new.  An adventure if we were brave enough to take the leap.

"After two hundred ten times, I departed the text."

Reflection 2012

Last year I spent the month of January contemplating the previous year and trying to define goals for myself in 2012.  After a lot of thought I came up with three goals.  For the first time in a long time, those goals helped me.

I made significant progress with my health with 6 months of physical therapy and tracking my food intake.  My health is still a work in progress, but I've improved so much this year.  While I didn't finish the 29 Day Org Challenge and my office is still a bit of a disaster, Ray and I removed a couple van loads of clothing and furniture from our house.  We held out first yard sale ever and donated everything that didn't sell.  While this went a long way towards simplifying the main rooms of our house, my craftiness has remained out of control.  On the flip side, I have spent quality time decluttering my work space at home and simplifying demands on my time.

All in all, I'm glad I defined my goals.  They helped.  And I feel good looking back on them.  That said, I'm performing a bit of self-reflection again this year.  The list that never got completed but prompted me on this reflection of goal setting can be found over at SimpleMom.net - 20 Questions for Reflecting on your 2012.  Let's see where these lead me this year.

When something's got to give

This fall has been full of lessons for me.  Lessons about maintaining my health.  Lessons on making time for relaxation.  Lessons concerning how fast my children are growing.  The latest lesson I have yet to conquer is how to recognize, and subsequently respect, my own limits.

But I'm trying.

My baby sister got married this weekend.  The day after her wedding Bean turned 4.  Two weeks from now MY baby Inchie turns 2.  Given the craziness of the month, I combined their birthday celebrations into one happy party.  I took that as proof that I was finally getting the hang of not overextending myself.  Maybe I was learning my lesson.

Regrettably one less party didn't seem to lessen the load.  At we entered into wedding weekend, I felt out of control.  Work had been accomplished that week through force of will.  There was nothing organic or sustaining about the energy used.  I have a plaque in my office which reads "You will because you can."  It's meant to be empowering I think, but I've started reading it as a warning.  I can do a lot of things but maybe I shouldn't do them all at once.

I wasn't keeping up.  My head was full of unfinished tasks.  So I made a list.  Better out than in.

• Make Dinner
• Set tomorrow's clothes
• Pack Lunches
• Pack Snack (M,W)
• Prep Dinner for tomorrow
• Fold laundry and Put away clean clothes
• Gather up dirty clothes and Swap loads
• Sort mail
• Wipe off table
• Pick up living room
• Pack gym bag for the morning

I showed the list to my husband.  He didn't like the list.  He said I had too many things on it and I was going to discourage myself.  He was right.  That list is too long.  But someone has to do the work.  I tried following the list each day  for a week and I made little progress.

I still wasn't accounting for all the things I need to do on a weekly basis.  They weren't on the list.  And I grew more and more discouraged and frustrated.   My head filled back up again and I pretty much threw in the towel.  I selected our clothes for the weekend from the dirty piles in my laundry room and washed them all at once.  They came out of the dryer, into the suitcase and we departed for the wedding.  I do not like living that way.  Whatever feeling exists beyond overwhelmed is where I was at.  And it started to show.

After numerous heated exchanges, I finally got to the heart of the matter with my husband.  I needed to divest of something.  Ignoring the list to start with we decided that my primary household responsibilities were Finances, Scheduling, Food and Clothing.  My husband took care of  Dishes, Trash, House Upkeep and Yard Work.

Strangely enough, my husband was extremely hesitant to take over any of my responsibilities.  My trend is to control everything to meet my expectations.  It keeps life stable.  It also keeps me very very busy; I'm learning - too busy.  Trying to take a task from me is possibly like trying to cook a nice meal for a gourmet chef.  It's just not fair.

But it was necessary.  As of this week, Food is no longer mainly my responsibility.  I still cook dinner in the evening because I'm the first one home.  My husband is in charge of menu planning, grocery shopping, packing lunches and nightly dinner prep.  I cook what he tells me to cook and make requests.

I haven't driven him to quit yet.  I hope I don't.  When we finally agreed on what our new delineation of duties was I felt like I could breathe for the first time in weeks.  When I turned the cleaning of my house over to professionals, it took me about 3 months to stop being stressed about it.  Hopefully I learned my lessons during that divesting.

We are three days in.

My little Eye Opener

Me: "Here's your allowance."  Hands 4 quarters to my three year old.

Bean: "Mommy, I want to give this quarter to the children in Haiti."

Me: "What, honey?"

Bean: "I want to give money to the children in Haiti who don't have mommies and daddies."

When she turned 3, Bean started attending Sunday school.  At that time we started giving her an allowance.  She has two banks on her dresser, one for spending and one for saving.  Then she has an envelope in which to put her Sunday school offering.  We told her that she needs to put one quarter in each bank: Saving, Spending and Giving.  She can choose where she would like the 4th quarter to go.  Usually she puts it in her Sunday school envelope.

This Sunday, she gave it to the Haitian children she's heard us talk about.

I am humbled by the awesome heart in my little girl.  She hears the things we talk about and works out a way to help.  The quarter may not make a dent in the need, but her giving spirit is inspiring.  To be so open to help, and to give whatever she has to give, prompts me to find ways to give more.  I'm touched by her actions and pray that she holds onto that loving nature as long as she can.  I hope I can help her learn to protect it without stomping it out.  I pray that I can be more open and giving of myself.

Many years from now I hope to have retained this memory.  I hope to share it with her and let her know the effect she had on me.  I hope to teach her that we effect the world around us in good and bad ways.  If we work hard and are true to our hearts, the good ways will grow and multiply.  The world will be a better place simply because we gave our best to make it better.

The evils of Groupon

Looking at my goals this year, I realize that I left something of vital importance off the list:

Balance the Budget

This goal has been on my list since we bought our house in 2008.  It has been there so long that I think I've forgotten that it is still a goal.  Budgeting is just something that I do.

I've succeeded at budgeting as our house has changed and grown.  The first joint budget my husband and I operated under was 1/5th of what we work with now.  Our basic needs were cared for with just a little extra fun money on the side.  As we finished school, found salaried positions and earned promotions, our income went from adequate to generous.  And, in a lot of ways, that has made budgeting much harder.  Before we asked where our money NEEDED to go each month.  Now we ask where we WANT it to go.

Which brings me to the evil that is Groupon.  Why is it evil, you ask?  I'm getting to that.

Having lived on a tight budget for years, I was thrilled when I could find a sale on something we would use.  I'd buy up a bunch of it and save it for later.  It was a great way to protect us from unexpected expenses.  I knew that I could lean on my pantry when a big car repair came up and the grocery money needed to be reallocated.  And I always had extra shampoo, socks, toothbrushes and hand towels I'd scored at clearance sales.  Finding a good deal had the double positive of saving me money in the long run AND supporting me when the money got tight.  I love sales.

Bring in the Groupon.  This is a sale on an item that you don't really NEED.  Nothing that Groupon peddles is a necessity.  Coupon to a fancy dinner, discounted movie tickets, car detailing, weekend getaways.  All these are nice things.  And the deals are great!  I'd love to take a weekend getaway with my husband to a B&B down by the ocean for $99.  Sign me up!

Here's the evil part.  A deal is only a deal if you use it.  That's right.  In order for the money to be well spent you have to use the good or service that you picked up.  I dare say that you need to use it and enjoy it.  For me to take that weekend getaway, I have to find care for my children.  I have to navigate to the destination.  I have to pay to eat the whole time I'm there.  And I have to recover from the trip when I get home.

And I have to make room for it in my budget.  Gone are the days of purchasing because the deal is just that good.  I could go broke stocking up on things that I don't need at all.  The money for these not really cheap items could be used to pay off my car early, or save up for my yearly vacation, or fund my retirement.  Following my second maternity leave without pay, we broke our budget.  This year I have to get it back on track.  I want us comfortable.  I want us prepared to deal with the crazy things life throws us.  That is what I'm doing when I balance the budget.

Taking advantage of good deals is part of that.  There are so MANY good deals on Groupon (and the 5 other like sites that email me daily) it is overwhelming.  Which one is the best deal?  Will there be a better deal tomorrow?  And when will I use it?  I don't want to miss out on all the money saving.  But I can opt out.  I can opt out of the coupon fad.  I know you can save money by spending money.  You can also save money by saving money.  At some point, it is too much and that is what I feel about Groupon these days.  Too much.

Analysis Paralysis Solution

In the past I've avoided making New Year's resolutions.  I tend to set high goals for myself, aspirations if you will, and then fail quickly leaving myself with a growing pile of discontent.  This only leads to more resolutions and more heart ache.  Vicious cycle of negativity.  I want no part of it.

But my life is full these days.  Full to the brim with kids and work and plans and projects.  So much is going on from day to day that I get overwhelmed with the sheer quantity of options in my life. It's a hard life I tell you.  So many options and so much support.  It's just awful...

In a really awesome kind of way.

Given the analysis paralysis I've been experiencing deciding between all these options, I decided this year to set three goals for myself.  They are simple, straight forward, broad and I'm working up a game plan for each.  These goals will help me focus.  When I flounder, I look to my goals/game plan and see what I can do now to accomplish them OR determine if I've gotten distracted again.

So here goes.  My goals for this year are (in order of importance):

Get Healthy

Divest

Simplify Craftiness

I told you they were simple.  *grin*

Goal Get Healthy is already in full swing over on You can do this!  I joined a gym last year.  I'm in PT getting some issues resolved to take full advantage of my gym time.  I have worked out a schedule with Ray and the girls to keep me going to the gym.  I'm working through what being healthy means to me and what mini goals and actions I can do to get there.  I'm definitely pleased with my progress on that goal.

Divest and Simplify Craftiness haven't gotten as much attention, but work in those areas has begun as well.  The biggest step towards meeting those goals has been joining the 29 day org challenge.  I'm tackling craft central this month which, I hope, will help me focus in on where I want to go with my hobbies and remove some of the noise (stuff) that surrounds me at home.

Do you have goals for this year?

Just so you know.

I'm blogging in two places.  This here is my personal blog.  It might be about the projects I undertake and all the things I see and the thoughts that I just can't keep inside.  I say might because it is far from fully formed and it may yet change again.

The second blog is one is based more around my health and fitness.  The two tie together of course, but I didn't want to fill this blog with logs of the exercises I do.  There is a very focus path for my other blog.  This one can just be me in all my ramblings and wanderings.  I like that.

Why mention it at all?  Well.  I haven't been posting all that much lately and the other blog is why.  I guess it is kind of like a new friend.  Eventually she'll get integrated into my life and I'll be back here old buddy.  No worries.  You are far from forgotten.

Menu Plan Mondays: In Recovery

Last week was great.  The house was chaotic.  The schedules were loose at best.  I didn't make it to the gym one single day.  I filled my head with lots of fun techie dreams with little respect for reality.  Bean's birthday was celebrated multiple times with great enthusiasm and a touch of whimsy.  Inchie started WALKING.  The week was honestly a stellar success.

And if I hear myself say "Wow.  It's really been a busy couple of weeks" one more time, I may stop speaking entirely.  I'm beginning to feel like the Mom who NEVER has enough time and EVERYONE knows she never has enough time because she TELLS everyone she never has enough time.  First step to stop annoying myself?  Stop ACTING surprised that I'm busy.  It's not like this is a new thing.  The time has come to adjust and move on.

So how do I move on?  My approach has always been to do a little introspection (navel gazing if you will) and pick a few priorities.  Using those priorities I take a big black satisfying sharpie to my To Do lists and make some serious readjustments.  This week is one of those readjustment times whether I have TIME for it or not!

This week's menu:

Breakfast:
(Me) Pumpkin Raisin Muffins & Blue Machine
(Hubby) Oatmeal, Bananas & OJ

Lunch:
LO Chili (and whatever else I find living in my fridge)
Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches
Health Choice Entrees
Lettuce Salad

Monday: Chicken & Carrots in Cream Soup over Rice
Tuesday: Hot Dogs & Green Beans
Wednesday: Spaghetti
Thursday: Out to Arby's on the way to Choir Practice
Friday: Family Dinner
Saturday: Crock Pot Indian Food
Sunday: BBQ Chicken

Do you ever feel maladjusted to your everyday life? What do you do about it?

Mindful Monday: Me Time

I can't say my Appreciation Edition of Mindful Mondays went as well as I could have hoped, but I did remember and give it a try on more than a few occasions.  Small things I was thankful for - my daughters asleep in their beds before 9pm, a clean bathroom, having resources to address our car issues before they're too late, being able to wear my dress shoes again for the first time in two years.  Noticing these things and taking a moment to be thankful felt wonderful.  I can definitely understand how there is something to being thankful for what you have as a way of improving your life.

The catch is that they weren't really small things.  War is being waged in our house nightly to get our 2 year old to go to sleep; most of the time I think she is winning.  Some part of the bathroom is cleaned everyday in an attempt to keep ahead on the housework.  Car repairs are planned for in our yearly budget; it's taken us over 6 years of planning and adjusting to get a grip on our finances.  Pain in my feet, legs and back during my first pregnancy forced me to retire all my dress shoes; while I'm not sure I'll ever get back into heels, well thought out dress shoes might be back into rotation.  Each of thing I was consciously thankful for was something I'd worked for mixed with a bit of luck or timing.  Small things continually slipped by unnoticed which was really what I was hoping to change.

I can see that being thankful for the things in your life is a constant process.  I imagine it takes practice before it becomes a habit or way of thinking.  With time, it will change your whole outlook, but more than a week is needed.  Prompted by that line of thinking, this week's goal is a bit more active.

WHO: Me.

WHAT: Planning some time for me each and every day and set goald as to what I want to accomplish in that time.

WHY:  Really?  You need to ask?  But seriously, I don't take enough time for myself.  Some days I don't take ANY time for myself.  I've been noticing my temper growing shorter with my two year old and my attention being not so focused at work.  Both of these get more pronounced when I'm neglecting me.

HOW: Notice how I didn't just say "Take Me Time"?  I've worked this goal before, or some lesser variant of it.  Too often I take Me Time, but I don't do anything with it.  I turn my brain completely off and vegetate.  While that is an important activity, it should not be the default activity during Me Time.  As I find my Me Time this week I'm going to refer to a list of wants and determine what it is *I* want to do during that time, how I would most enjoy it.  Some actions include:

• Take my full lunch break.  At my current workplace, we are required to include a 1 hour lunch break in our daily schedule.  This means that we are required to work 8 hours each day, but we really have to schedule a 9 hour day.  As such, there are many (too many) days there I sit at my desk and eat while working or surfing the internet.
• Be on time to work. Being late to work just means I have to cut in on my lunch or evening decompression time to make up for it.
• Swap off bedroom routine nights with my husband.  Really this one should be a no brainer as it is one of the most frustrating times of the day, but too often I'm sending him off and manning the battle stations myself.
• Make a list of activities to which to refer.  There are always things I want to do, but never make time.  Take a 15 minute walk.  Shop for new shoes.  Clean off the top of my dresser.  Paint my nails.  Read.

What would you do if you found 30 minutes of quiet unscheduled alone time in your day?

Mindful Mondays: Appreciation Edition

Last week I spent a lot of time noticing how much time I spent multi-tasking. I've read the reports that there is no such thing as true mutli-tasking, but I sure do put in a valiant effort.  Numerous times I caught myself doing things like scheduling appointments while cooking dinner or answering emails while writing up a design paper.  Even composing this post is taking me extra time because the TV is going in the background drawing my attention.

While I did not succeed in being a unitasker, being aware did allow me to limit needless switching between tasks whenever my mind slowed down for a few breaths.  When I wasn't 100 percent engaged in the task at hand, my attention quickly veered towards anything else.    Taking a deep breath and ignoring the temptation of the next item on the to do list really helped me get my bigger tasks done and done well.  I also found plenty of time to take care of the little tasks.  Overall, this week was a good experience and I'm definitely on the road to getting back to my overachieving self.

WHO: Me

WHAT: Appreciate the good things.  There's big things like job, family and health, but those aren't the ones to which I'm referring.  This week it is time to appreciate clean sheets, a hug from a friend or hitting a green light.

WHY: There is so much in my life to appreciate.  Just this week, I experienced a earthquake and slept as a hurricane passed over my house.  I'm okay.  All those I love are okay.  My house is unscathed.  The weather outside can only be described as the calm AFTER the storm.  It's been an amazing week.  But I did say that these are not the things I'm focusing on.

One of my reasons for starting this blog is to spend time noticing and recording all the great things that surround me.  However, too often, I look at my life through critical lenses.  There's always some task I haven't finished.  My kids stages are marked my their difficulties instead of their triumphs.  If only that recipe came out looking like the picture in the book.

HOW: I know when I'm being critical.  Lately, I feel the tickle of the critical eye as it stares back at me in the mirror.  I'm more critical of myself than anything or anyone else.  This week when I feel that tickle, I'm going to turn my attention outward and onward.  I'm going to look around me and focus on all that I have.  I'll make lists if I need to, just as long as I pause for a few moments a day to see what is right in front of me and appreciate it for its presence in my life.

Right now, I'm headed off to appreciate my snack as I appreciate the surprise day I got to spend at home alone.  Multi-tasking at its finest!

Mindful Mondays: Take it One Task at a Time

Mindful Mondays has been sowing up on The Happiest Mom blog lately.  They are her focus to help shape her week.  I like the idea of having a theme for my week.  Something new to focus on each week, to think about when reflecting on it passing.  So...  Here goes!


WHO: Me

WHAT: Devote my full attention to one task at a time.

WHY: I am a multi-tasker.  Alton Brown would love me.  However, lately I fear my great asset is becoming a calamity.  I feel frazzled and I think my work is suffering.

HOW: Always the hardest part, right?

This week I'll set aside a time to take care of the miscellaneous.  I already have routines in place to schedule my little to-dos in my planner as they come up on the days when they seem most likely to get done.  Usually I take care of these list items on the side while tackling the larger task of the hour/morning/day.  Too often, these little tasks interrupt or present themselves at just the right time to support a righteous bout of procrastination.

Instead of allowing them to side track me.  I'm going to schedule a time each day where I will deal with them.  Then the larger items on my list will get the undivided attention they deserve.  My hope is that the slight decay I'm detecting in my work will disappear and, maybe, just maybe, I'll notice a speed up in my progress on larger tasks.

Wish me luck!