Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My Mom Guilt

While attempting to write this post, I completely diverged.  Using the phrase Mom Guilt opens a whole can of worms.  Or can of words if you will.  There is a rant on that topic to follow soon.  For this post I'm simply referring to a pang of guilt I felt looking at this little girl.

Isn't she adorable?

This is Inchie.  She is my second born.  My baby.  I look in her face and see humor and mischief and love.  I also see her sister.  My Mom Guilt gong sounds.

This little girl doesn't know what life is like without an older sister.  She has drawers full of not-so-lightly worn clothes.  Her board books come pre-chewed.  Inchie's mom was Bean's mom first.  Inchie will spend her life changing that.  Try as I might my expectations are being established every day.  I have fight to see this little girl as herself and not her sister.  And she will never get the undivided attention her sister experienced in her first 2 years of life.

All these worries came to a head last weekend.  I bought the girls new hair barrettes.  Bean picked out two matching bows.  Inchie received two clippies as well, one matched Bean's and the other is a very cute little cupcake.  I gave them to the girls and went about my day.

Over the course of the next week, Bean did everything within her power to control Inchie's new clippies.  They appeared in Bean's hair.  Then I found them in her basket of hair ties.  Later she got them out and put them in her sister's hair.  That wouldn't have caused as great an issue had she not promptly pulled them back out.  Each time Bean was corrected she adjusted her actions to include her sister more.  And each time I got angrier until I heard myself screaming "Can't you just let her have this one thing!?!"  At a three year old.  Over a pair of hair clips.  I sent myself to timeout.

Yeah.  It's ridiculous.  I know.  That fact has not escaped me.  And my mom guilt has to be addressed.  But really?!?!?  When did I turn into a glass-half-empty kind of person?  What's up with the tale of woe over my baby?  I gotta snap out of this.  Inchie has at least one thing that Bean will never have, an older sister!  I'm not sure that all my younger sisters would agree, but I'm pretty sure an older sister is about the most awesome thing in the world to have.  Bean will also never be THE baby again.  We can't go back and I wouldn't want to.

But I can still look for ways to spoil my baby girl on occassion...  You know, just to alleviate the mom guilt.

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