Parenting is hard.

Yesterday Mommy put herself in timeout.  This is not the first time and I'm willing to bet it will not be the last time I spend 3 minutes in timeout.  Shortly before removing myself from the situation, I heard this shrill yelling, almost threatening, voice in my daughters room.  There was a little 3 year old girl on the floor rolling around with her underwear.  She was experiencing dressing amnesia.  It is a sickness often seen in young children once dressing themselves has stopped being a novelty and turned into a routine expectation.  It is particularly acute when parents are distracted by younger siblings or running late for an appointment.

After observing the 3 year old in her natural habitat.  I continued looking for the source of the awful noise.  There was no one else is the room.  No one that is except me.  I realized, as I shrilly threatened "Put your clothes on NOW or you WILL sit in timeout for THREE minutes", that I had yet again lost it.  I was sounding ridiculous.  I was giving into the frustration of parenting a toddler.  She was winning this battle because I was standing there yelling.  And worst of all?  The grin on her face showed me that she knew it.  I left the room to go sit in my room for a timeout.

Moments like that make me wonder if I made the wrong choice in my life.  I don't always love being a parent.  There are many sides to me and more than a couple of them see this whole parenting gig as not worth the effort.  So many people talk about being in the moment and treasuring your kids.  I constantly hear moms talk about how blessed they are and what a joy it is to stay home with their kids all the time.  They don't want the time to end.  They home school to keep the good times rolling.   I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

There are also moms on the other side of the fence.  And THANKFULLY some of them share their frustration.  I need that more than the air I breath at times.  Hearing that it isn't all rainbows and sunshine.  During my 3 minute timeout I pray for strength to keep my temper and a little detachment to not take her rebellion quite so personally.  As I cool off, I notice that my little 3 year old has recovered from her bout of amnesia and is now fully dressed.  It's magical.  She wonders where Mommy went.  I determine my timeout is over.

I scoop her up and tell her I'm sorry for yelling.  I also slip in a notice of how well she dressed herself. She tells she forgives me and she loves me.  I hope she knows I love her too.

Just so you know.

I'm blogging in two places.  This here is my personal blog.  It might be about the projects I undertake and all the things I see and the thoughts that I just can't keep inside.  I say might because it is far from fully formed and it may yet change again.

The second blog is one is based more around my health and fitness.  The two tie together of course, but I didn't want to fill this blog with logs of the exercises I do.  There is a very focus path for my other blog.  This one can just be me in all my ramblings and wanderings.  I like that.

Why mention it at all?  Well.  I haven't been posting all that much lately and the other blog is why.  I guess it is kind of like a new friend.  Eventually she'll get integrated into my life and I'll be back here old buddy.  No worries.  You are far from forgotten.

A Wreath for the Season

This year's selection of holiday wreaths was underwhelming.  There were plain evergreen wreaths.  Wreaths with red bows.  Wreaths made out of ornaments and garland.  Wreaths decorated with fake berries.  Fake evergreen wreaths wired with white lights.  Some even come covered in fake snow.  And for all those options I really saw nothing that I liked.

Instead of settling, inspiration struck!  There was a very pretty garland with beads and snowflakes languishing next to a plain artificial 15 inch evergreen wreath.  I could see a beautiful wreath taking shape in my mind.  This year's door decoration was going to be fashioned by your truly!

First step: Gather the materials.  I bought a 15 inch artificial wreath, two 5 foot strands of beaded garland, 4 colorful jingle bells and 100 feet of color ribbon.  The ribbon has wires in the edges to help the resulting bow hold its shape.  And only about 3 - 4 feet of it were actually used in the making of my wreath.  Not shown are 6 wire ornament hangers; paper clips would do the trick too.

String the garland through out the wreath.  I try to make it look pretty random.  Enough slack was left in it to allow repositioning once it was hanging on the door.  The wreath also start looking better after a bit of fluffing and repositioning the branches.

Next step - attach the bells.  I took the ornament hangers and used one to attach each bell.   They could also be attached with twist ties or a bit of string.  The wires were wrapped multiple times around the branches to keep the bells from working themselves loose.

Last but far from least, the bow was fashioned.  I make a few attempts at this before I was happy.  The nice thing about having wire in the ribbon is that the bow can be reshaped until I am happy with it.   Also the knot in the center is pretty loose, but the bow isn't going to come undone because of the wire.  Once I had a bow I was happy with, I twisted two ornament hangers together, threaded them through the back of the bow and attached the bow were I wanted it on the wreath.

Within 20 minutes I have a unique holiday wreath!  The part I like best is that I can refashion this wreath however I see fit.  If I get tired of the teal ribbon (just an example - it is highly unlikely I will get tired of the teal ribbon), I can swap in a purple one.  If the garland fades in the weather?  New garland!  Hopefully this wreath will last me through the winter, but I'm thrilled with my first wreath making attempt.  I hope you enjoy as well!

Menu Plan Monday: Turkey Towels.

The past year has been officially celebrated for both of my girls and I'm ready to get into the holiday spirit.  The THANKSGIVING holiday spirit if anyone is wondering.  This past weekend I changed over our house decorations from Halloween to Thanksgiving and realized the same thing I realize every year.

Thanksgiving is almost completely skipped over in the stores.  Each year I add one or two items to my Halloween decoration box (admittedly we have a Halloween problem in this house) and even more to my Christmas box.  But when it comes to decorating for Thanksgiving, I barely have any kitsch to put out.  This year Bean noticed that I put out special hand towels for Halloween.  As soon as I said Halloween was over she requested Turkey towels.  I was THRILLED.  She and I made time for a special trek out in search of Turkey towels.  And then we made a second trek...  Then a third!

We found more items with Santa on them than we could count, but there was not a single cute Thanksgiving item left on the shelves.  We did find a very unattractive table top turkey, but Bean looked at it and frowned.  Thankfully she was eventually content with a turkey t-shirt and some towels with fall leaves on them, but I am SOOO disappointed!  Next year I'm going to have to tackle the turkey towel acquisition starting in September.  It feels so wrong.

This week's menu:

Breakfast:
(Me) Egg on an English Muffin & Blue Machine
(Hubby) Oatmeal, Bananas & OJ

Lunch:
LO Mac & Cheese
Ham Sandwiches
Grapes
Lettuce Salad/Veggie Sticks

Monday: Chicken, Green Bean & Rice Casserole
Tuesday: Spaghetti
Wednesday: Grilled Fish with Carrots & Spinach
Thursday: Out to Chick-Fil-A on the way to Choir Practice
Friday: Beef Tacos
Saturday: BBQ Chicken
Sunday: Baked Potato Bar

Do you decorate you house for Thanksgiving?  When (and where) do you acquire your decorations?

Yarn of the Day

As promised I have sent that silly yarn diet packing and a new age is being ushered in.  Well...  Maybe not a new age.  I guess really I'm ending an age so that I can return to the age before.  Let us forget the time of no new yarn and embrace the joy that is hand dyed fiber!

While in New Orleans, I made a side trek to a little yarn shop smack in the middle of the French Quarter.  The shop's name is The Quarter Stitch and it is really more than just a yarn shop.  The walls of the shop are covered in beautiful hand-painted needlepoint templates.  The windows are full of charms and ornaments in varying shapes and bold colors.  Yarn is clumped in baskets around the store, not really organized, but not overly chaotic either.  And then on the wall behind the register from counter to ceiling is a feast of colors.

Just looking at it made new projects jump to mind.  I perused the baskets, touching and imagining.  that is until I found MY yarn.  The second I saw it, I knew I was going to buy it.  Just looking at it made me giddy.  Right now I'm imagining stocking caps for my girls.  A thick cabled scarf.  Or simple mittens to keep my hands warm.  They really are never very warm.

The camera on my phone doesn't do this yarn justice.  The basement lighting is also not my friend.  *sigh*  But trust me this is the most beautiful yarn to ever break a yarn diet.  I swear it is.  For those who need the details, it's Malabrigo's Rios line, Merino Superwash.  The two skeins are from the same dye lot, but I'm not sure how similar they really par.  Just about every color I can think of is in there each blending into the next like a vibrant autumn unset.

And the way it was packaged up?  I have to give credit to the ladies at The Quarter Stitch.  I loved the yarn at the store, but I enjoyed discovering it all over again when I got home from my trip.  They had wrapped it up just like a gift.  And it was even more gorgeous the second time around.

And the best news?  I've gotten about 3 more inches added to Inchie's Baby Blanket.  Another 2 rows and I'm starting the border.  She'll have it before Thanksgiving (I HOPE).  Yeah new yarn for making the blanket grow.  I owe you one!

Little Monster.

I'm in so much trouble.  When I decided I wanted to be a Mom, I imagined these independent, clever children.  They would play on their own whiling away the hours until they needed a hug from Mom just to reinforce their awesomeness.  That magical hug would happen and they would joyfully go on with whatever pursuit they had imagined for themselves.

I know.  Dreams.  *sigh*

Somewhere along the way I also took it for granted that they would somehow understand feelings and be empathetic little creatures.  I can't even claim to have dreamt that one up.  It's too far fetched for even my dream state.  I tend to stick to dreams of waking up to a quiet house on Saturday morning or a million dollars being given to me by a long lost but very rich uncle.

Lately Bean has been carrying my lunch box into the house.  She likes that is purple and she loves 'helping' mommy.  Yesterday I got her out of the car, handed her my lunch box and went around to get Inchie.  I took it for granted that the lunch box would make it into the house unscathed.

Moments later the lunch box is getting kicked down the stair and around the driveway.  I'm pretty sure I growled calmly asked Bean to pick it up and carry it into the house.  I might have tacked a NOW onto the end of my request.  Somewhere in there threats of staying home while Inchie went trick or treating might have come out of my mouth.  In the moments after day care pickup, can Mom really be held accountable for all that she says?

Bean's brain kicks into the gear (or the threats worked, who knows) and she comes down and snatches up the lunch box.  As she head up the stairs she shouts over her shoulder, "Does this make you happy Mom?"

*sigh*

I'm getting sassed by my three year old.  Not just sassed but cut to the quick!  Time spent attempt to teach her empathy is turned back against me in a flash.  If she can do this at age three, what power will she weld at age thirteen?

A Break from the Norm

Today is day 3 of my re-entry.  I'm over caffeinated, over tired and more than a little annoyed that time won't slow down and let me recover.  But more than that, I'm grateful for what came before.  The re-entry hurts, but to have never left would have been worse.

Six days ago, I boarded a plane to New Orleans.

By myself.

Without my children.

For completely selfish and personal reasons.

For the first time since I found out I was going to be a Mom, I took an extended break.  The Manic Mommies had organized their 5th annual Escape and I signed up.  Three days Two nights in New Orleans, sleeping in a posh hotel, eating meals requiring no planning on my part and experiencing life at my own pace.

Wow.

There were a few minutes where I didn't want to come back.  I missed my girls and my husband, but I also knew how re-entry would feel.  Leaving it all behind for just a few days makes the crush of everyday life feel almost debilitating.  But I'll adjust and I'll do it with a memory of how I'd like to feel more often.  A little less rushed and a little more present.  Experiencing this moment before worrying about the next.  Just a bit of added perspective to make the norm seem not so inevitable.

The things is...  I can slow down.  Life is fast and kids are demanding.  Then life is demanding and kids grow fast.  But it is up to me to put the brakes on from time to time and really relish the moments I'm living in.

My plane landed as my husband put my children to bed Sunday night.  I returned home to a cuddly husband, friends in my basement and a football game on TV.  For just a few more moments I enjoyed a slower pace and some quality time with people I love.   The break was good.